I wish I could say that this comes naturally to everybody and that the secret is hidden inside of you. Find it, and you will never struggle with encouraging others again.
That is not even true for me, and I do a lot of encouraging in pretty much everything I do professionally. How? I am glad you asked.
This not only does not come naturally to me, it is actually the antithesis of my sarcastic nature. When I was in radio, most of my humor came from self-deprecating humor. When I am with family and friends to this day, it is simply part of my DNA to make fun of myself or others, always in a (fun, but) negative way. How can a fun but naturally negative guy overcome this and encourage others?
In-ten-tion-al-i-ty! Yes, spell check is angry with me for that. I would love to say that I just do my best to look at everyone through God's eyes and suddenly we're all surrounded with unicorns and rainbows. But I missed that class. Here is how intentionality works for me:
In my writing and presentations - it is actually easiest for me here because I can easily catch myself when my gene pool tide rises to negative creations. I carefully look over what I have composed and remind myself how much I need to make it encouraging. I am in the encouraging business, so I must never skip this step.
When I am coaching - most all of my coaching is done on Zoom, so I have the tendency to have a sticky note somewhere in my peripheral vision that reminds me of this. The person I coach is working on a problem or trying to get unstuck or is setting exciting goals. They need my encouragement and I will not neglect to deliver it. A little yellow square of paper helps me remember that just in case it slips my mind.
When I am speaking or preaching - you would think this would be the hardest time to reinforce encouragement. Not really. Because I have to focus on it so much, I make sure to add it to my preparation process for all of the speaking I do. Because everything I do is faith-based, the language of encouragement does lend itself to most of my speaking opportunities.
I am not one of those leaders who emphasizes fear or ridicule or shame to get a message of God's incredible love across. I would rather love God into people than try to scare hell out of them.
You can be a better encourager too. I believe it. So does God, who also believes in you!
From the Coach:
What do you need to learn to become a better encourager?
What happens inside of you when someone else encourages you?
What does intentionality look like in other areas of your life?